So creative thinking and in particular, photography is one of my passions and I put a lot of time into it and sharing it in social media, friends, family and here on my blog. Cycling was another hobby that I was very, very into and at the time, I was building semi custom bikes and lacing my own wheel sets and wheels for friends. In this cycling world, I had a very good friend that for here, I’ll call “Carl”. Not his real name but thats not important. The important thing is we were tight.. very tight friends.
Way back “in the day” I use ride bikes with Carl almost every weekend, both road bikes and mountain bikes. We used to do a lot of BBQs and dinners together. We went to social events together. Carl’s SO introduced me to my now wife, so there is quite a bit of history there. I’m writing this because Carl died several years ago.
Well, he died in a sense of the word “died”. Let me explain more. The person I knew as “Carl” did die but his body was still alive and kicking. He had a ruptured brain aneurysm which in turn led to a Hemorrhagic stroke that almost killed him in the shower.
First responders were able to get him to the hospital in time to save him but he spent weeks there, paralyzed on one side, till they moved him to a halfway house for more recovery.
I went and saw him often at both places and I helped him go home. Success right? I mean he survived a terrible event and now is back home on his own. Well, yes and no, my friend was home but the essence of who my friend was was gone. Completely and utterly gone. The unmentioned fact about many brain injury victims is that their self, their personality, who they are will change or be lost completely and replaced by someone else. They often become a shadow of their former selves or even a complete stranger to friends and family. In Carl’s case, it was a complete personality replacement. His mannerisms were still there, the smile was still there. But the temperament and how to related to you was night and day difference from before the event and afterwards.
I saw a special on cable TV about this and they said that it takes about three years for the family/friends to finally work this out. And it was true for me, it took about two years for me to understand that my friend really did die that day and while his body is still here and it looks and sounds like my friend, the essence of my friend, that part that really made up the Carl I knew was gone forever.
At one level I understand the mechanics of this but I felt very guilty about breaking off the friendship. I knew this guy for years and he was there for me in a couple of bad times. So why can I not do the same? Because it’s not my friend anymore.. it’s someone who I really do not like very much. Someone who can be mean spirited and cruel at the drop of a hat. Someone who at times sounds like an echo of my friend till he goes off on me or does something socially that Carl would never have considered doing before the stroke.
So every now and then I remember my friend and the good times we had and toast him in my mind. I have a few pictures of us together, I really wish I had more pictures.
Take pictures of friends and family, takes lots of them and dont worry if they are not “professional”. They may be your only link with them if something terrible happens like this. Be safe.. Take care.. Take pictures. And hold your friends and family tight.
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